Book Review: The Defining Decade by Meg Jay

the defining decade by meg jay book review

My book review on The Defining Decade by Meg Jay. Oh wow wow could you believe your girl is back at reviewing books?!

The Defining Decade by Meg Jay is my February read. The subtitle was actually what caught my attention: “Why your twenties matter and how to make the most of them now”.

The book is for twentysomethings but everyone out of that age bracket could actually learn a thing or two (or maybe regret a thing or two). It is divided into three parts: Work, Love, The Brain and The Body – things which most twentysomethings struggle with.

It was written in a way as if you are sitting in a therapy session with Dr. Meg and her client. Soaking it all in and being called out in the most indirect way possible. LMAO. Dr. Meg Jay is a clinical psychologist who specializes in adult development and she shared in this book her client’s stories. The what, the why, and the hows of their twentysomething struggles. It was relatable. I loved it. It was like a free therapy session for me.

Chapters that struck me the most:

Weak Ties – most interesting chapter for me. It is so fascinating to know that there is so much strength in our weak ties that we can make use of. We often think that it’s our family and friends that will help us get some opportunities when in reality it is our weak ties that often get our feet in the door.

Cohabitation Effect – couples that live together are less likely to get married and more likely to get divorced. I was shocked at first when I read this chapter which confirmed that I really am in my twentysomething years. LMAO. The lock in effect also comes into play in this part. It says that the more invested you are in the relationship, the harder it is to get out of it even though in reality you already want to be out.

Do The Math – most of us, twentysomethings, would usually say that we will just chill out on our twenties and leave all those big decisions in our thirties but we also do not like to be having babies on our late thirties. But have we done the math? We should start thinking some of the most important life decisions in our twenties.

Some quotes from The Defining Decade:

“The future isn’t written in the stars. There are no guarantees. So claim your adulthood. Be intentional. Get to work. Pick your family. Do the math. Make your own certainty. Don’t be defined by what you didn’t know or didn’t do. You are deciding your life right now.”

“Unthought knowns are those things we know about ourselves but forget somehow. These are the dreams we have lost sight of or the truths we sense but don’t say out loud. We may be afraid of acknowledging the unthought known to other people because we are afraid of what they might think. Even more often, we fear what the unthought known will then mean for ourselves and our lives.”

“There will always be differences of some kind but, statistically speaking, that’s not what will kill a relationship. It’s what you do with the differences.”

“I’m challenging you to be picky about things that might matter in twenty years, such as extreme differences in values or goals or personality – or whether you love each other.”

And that, everyone, is my book review on The Defining Decade by Meg Jay. More book reviews to come, hopefully!

Please check out this book and let me know what you think of it. It actually has mix reviews! But for me, 10/10 would recommend!

If you want to read more of my book reviews, here you go: One Minute Manager.

Jam Nesreen

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