Setting the scene: I m sitting in my apartment alone and having waves of moments where I just break down into tears.
Yes, the title of this post is exactly why I find myself crying most of the time, currently. I DID NOT GET THE PROMOTION. I recently applied for a promotion at work which I fucking worked so hard for. I dedicated two weeks of my life rummaging through my performance reports from the past three years listing down everything I did and contributed to the company. I stayed up late most of the nights perfecting my essay on why they should consider me. I kept asking colleagues for feedback on how I am as a team member. I rehearsed more than a hundred times for the interview which I do everywhere I go: in the bathroom, on my bed before I close my eyes, in our living room and even did series of mock interviews.
On the day of the interview, I made sure I get enough sleep, I put on my full-face of makeup, chose the best dress fitted for a job promotion interview and take on the day with a zen mind. My mindset was: I got this.
I prayed, I manifested, I did everything that I could possibly do to get the promotion.
The interview itself went so good. I literally walked out of that room thinking that this was for me. I have no hesitations. I would rate that as one of the best interviews I had in my life.
But I was not chosen. I did not get the promotion. I was not suited. It wasn’t for me.
And it still hurts me until now.
This might be a petty problem. You would say I’m so dramatic for even making a whole blog post about it and for dwelling on the rejection for far too long than a usual human would be, but if you worked hard for something and your expectations do not materialize, it seriously fucking hurts.
I drilled down my emotions on why I am dealing with this quite heavily and I think this must be because I have been shoving down a lot of failed opportunities and/or career plans I have for my life at the back of my mind and when this one thing that I really prayed and worked so hard slipped through my hands, the pain tripled and the pent up emotions I was covering was rushing all back to me. I failed to get my BSA degree, I failed to attend the CPA boards, I failed to finish law school, I failed to go after my CIA certification and now the promotion.
Not to mention the hundreds of success stories posted in social media from friends and family that adds up to the pressure and the belittling feeling of having to achieve nothing. YET.
It is tough but is failure really a failure if you have learned something out of it? This setback taught me resilience, trust, and courage. These are values that no amount of salary raise can pay for.
I choose to view this as a detour and as a preparation for something bigger, something greater and something more rewarding in the future.
Because after all, difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations.
Can’t wait to go back here in who knows when and share a happy success story. I’m excited for whatever it is to come! 🙂